Mother, Leave the Light On
by Ocein
Summary: He's gonna change my world... An AU look at Olivia's dark past with her stepfather...there was more than alcohol abuse. Warning: sensitive issues. Please R


**I have to warm all Readers that this fic deals with sensitive issues of childhood molestation and abuse. An AU look into Little Livvy's encounter with her step-dad. Inspired by Tori Amos' "Mother." I urge you to listen to the song—it's captivating.**

**I own neither Fringe nor Tori Amos and her overwhelming songs. **

_Go go go go now  
Out of the nest  
It's time  
Go go go now  
Circus girl without a safety net_

Of course she didn't say anything when he grabbed the frightened twelve year old blonde and threw her into the dark room and slammed the door behind him. Mother would drown the screams of the little girl with a bottle of whiskey; no need for a glass or ice on nights like these.

_Here here now  
Don't cry  
You raised your hand for the assignment  
Tuck those ribbons under your helmet  
_

Mother no longer tied pink ribbons in her Livvy's hair after he touched her. All of her attention and affection was directed to innocent, baby girl, Rachel. Mother braided Rachel's enchanting platinum blonde hair while Livvy watched, alone, from the kitchen table.

Livvy became Olivia the fourth night He forced himself upon her. Olivia's appearance grew dull; her clothes were no longer vibrant, her hair no longer pulled back into pigtails; it fell silent on shoulders and obeyed when tucked behind her ears.

_Be a good soldier  
First my left foot  
Then my right behind the other  
_

Mother decided things would be easier for everyone if she took Rachel and just left the house when His urges struck him.

_Pantyhose  
Running in the cold_

The first time Livvy realized her mother was leaving her she ran out of the house in the simple white dress he made her wear on those nights.

_Mother the car is here  
Somebody leave the light on  
Black Chariot for the redhead  
_

At night, when all was said, done, and ignored, Livvy would creep out of the bed she shared with her younger sister and head for the attic window and peek outside. Across the street in the neighbor's yard was one lamppost with a light that shone like a beacon.

_Dancing dancing girl And when I dance for him  
Somebody leave the light on just in case  
I like the dancing  
I can remember where I come from_

Livvy would close her eyes and pray that one day soon someone would rescue her from her hell on earth in a small 2 bedroom apartment. She hoped God would see the beacon.

_I walked into your dream  
And now I've forgotten how to dream my own dream  
You are the clever one aren't you_

At thirteen, Olivia knew her mother was just a pathetic pawn to Him. It disgusted her to no end and no action. Olivia simply knew her place in this family; the love for her sister was her only tether and when they played afternoon tea, Olivia would curl up next to her sister at night and dream in that fantasy land with talking teddy bears and pink ribbons in her hair.

_Brides in veils for you  
We told you all of our secrets  
All but one  
So don't you even try  
_

Olivia understood irony for the first time on the day her of First Communion. Olivia—so far from chastity and purity was to accept Divinity. She quietly scoffed at the satire. But, for the first time in what seemed like ages, Mother bathed Livvy, brushed her hair, and adjusted the soft white veil that fell over her shinning with hope face.

_The phone has been disconnected  
Dripping with blood  
And with time  
And with your advice  
Poison me against the moon_

He did not approve of Olivia's participation in the Church, but Mother finding a tone—albeit a meek one, urged for both daughters. 'Livvy' made a brief appearance for everyone for the first time in a very long time. When she accepted the bread and blood she accepted her repentance. God had found her beacon.

_Mother the car is here  
Somebody leave the light on  
Black Chariot for the redhead_

Pulling up to the house in their broken down Station Wagon, Livvy poked her head out the car window to see that the neighbor's lamppost bulb had burnt out.

_Dancing dancing girl And when I dance for him  
Somebody leave the light on just in case  
I like the dancing  
I can remember where I come from  
_

The hope and happiness warming her insides burned out as quick as the lamppost bulb when the car parked in the driveway and everyone began to pile out. The only thing she had to look forward to was His fucked up anticipation for tonight with the fact she had worn that white dress today. He thought everything was for Him. And as repulsive as it sounded, she was starting to believe it.

_I escape into your escape  
Into our very favorite fearscape  
It's across the sky_

When her sister asked her one day why He loved Olivia more than her and that she wanted to seek his affection, Olivia screamed at her little sister and shoved her into their bedroom, trying to lock her away her innocence for as long as possible.

_And across my heart  
And I cross my legs  
Oh my God_

She bit her lip in profuse rage and resentment when he pushed the dress above her knees and searched for her undergarments. A montage of images—little Rachel, the lamppost light, Mother adjusting her veil, and it flooded her mind as he unbuckled. This would be the last time He will ever touch me again, Olivia promised herself.

_First my left foot  
Then my right behind the other  
Breadcrumbs lost under the snow  
Mother  
_

All she needed was for Him to tell her to do it. That's all she needed to summon all the anger and hurt within her and pull the pistol. Mother was drunk and wailing in the kitchen and little Rachel was cowering behind the bedroom doorpost. She would do it for Rachel.

_Mother the car is here  
Somebody leave the light on_

The day she pulled the trigger was the day she snuck out late the night before to change the lamppost bulb across the street. There was no more waiting on God. At the tender age of thirteen Livvy was replaced completely by Olivia—her own self however broken that may be—but nothing like Mother.

_Somebody leave the light on just in case  
I like the dancing_

The sullied white dress was now a swirl of purity white and vengeance red.

_Mother _

**What did it leave you with? I think I hold this to be my most riveting and haunting piece yet. **


End file.
